For several years now I’ve wanted to visit Utah.
Like most people I’ve shared this dream with, you’re probably behind your computer mouthing the word, “Why?” But after visiting this awe-inspiring state, I have to respond with a very enthusiastic, “Why not?!”
Utah’s state slogan is “Life elevated,” which is totally apt, but I think, “Holy shit, that’s amazing!” could also work. Although the mormons might not like that … In other words, Utah (and particularly Utah’s State Parks) is grand, amazing, vibrant, and breathtakingly beautiful. But more about that later.
First, let’s talk about the tipping point of our decision to travel to Utah. And yep, it has to do with dick jokes. See, while scrolling through my Twitter feed I saw that Louis C. K. was doing a comedy show in Salt Lake City on September 6. Not only that, but Sarah Silverman and Aziz Ansari were also going to be there. Like I said, dick jokes.
So that night Chris bought tickets to the show. Before we got our plane tickets. Before we arranged a hotel. Before we rented a car. We so smart!
Alas, we got our shit together, and we were off on our grand adventure. To save money, we got our tickets on Aeroplan points. Which if you didn’t know already, is a totally masochistic thing to do to one’s self. Because then you end up with an eight hour layover at San Francisco Airport during the middle of the night. And, like, we weren’t going to get a hotel room for four hours so we slept on the floor of the airport. And by we I mean I slept on Chris’s Blue Jays jersey with my purse as a pillow and my hood pulled over my eyes while Chris lapsed in and out of consciousness whilst protecting our shit. He saw me shivering so he wrapped a t-shirt around my feet. The entire next day he kept talking about his ingenious foot blanket idea. (This is what happens when you date a younger man, apparently.)
Anyway, the next morning we washed up in the airport bathroom–true transient style–and headed off to our first destination: Salt Lake City.
As we got closer to our hotel, we started seeing more and more people wearing capes and armour and other wacky costumes. We were all, “Whoa, mormons ARE weird.” But then we found out Comicon was on right across the street from our hotel. Though we didn’t attend the event, we did see a rear-ender whereby the man driving the car that was hit got out of his car wearing a cape, screaming, “What? You want to hit me? Don’t you ever fucking do that again!” Two things about this scene were funny: one, that this raging psycho was wearing a cape, and two, that the chances of the driver “doing that again” were pretty slim to none.
So after some wandering around Salt Lake we headed to the USANA Amphitheatre to check out The Oddball Comedy Fest. And beer. Mmm giant cans of American beer. I know people always make fun of American beer, but like, beer. Needless to say, the headliners were amazing (even though the rain started pouring down on us during Louie’s set). The highlights of the show, however, were Demetri Martin and Whitney Cummings. So. Goddamn. Funny. I hope heaven is just one neverending comedy fest.
Anyway, the next day we were off to our second destination–Moab–where we had a two-night stay booked in a tipi. Buuuuut after checking out the upgrades (still tents) we decided to get something a little fancier. Meaning it had an actual bed instead of a cot. The facilities were really nice though, and we only got evacuated from our tents once during the tail end of a hurricane. Apparently we got the Full Experience Package, if you know what I mean.
So that’s it for now, folks. But there’s more to come. And check out our photes. That’s slang for photos, because we’re cool like that.