Post-dressing room blues

Let me preface this by saying that what is to follow can only be described as a first world problem. Only in North America can we eat literally anything we want and as much of it as we want, but thrive to look borderline malnourished. Happy Independence Day?

That said, trying on clothes in a dressing room is the fucking worst. You could feel like Pamela Anderson early-90s and then go into an H&M dressing room and leave as Shrek. In fact, this is exactly what happened to me today. In only a few moments I went from total babe to ogre. Damn you 360 degree mirrors, damn you!

Now, I know I’ve been eating too many Oat Fudge Bars. They have literally become my coping mechanism for everything. I swear last week I got a paper cut and felt like I literally. Could. Not. Go. On. without an Oat Fudge Bar. Have I mentioned I like Oat Fudge Bars?

But my love for treats and just food in general has not morphed me into some sort of hideous blob. I mean, I’ve put on a few pounds, but goddammit I’ve been stressed!

So here is my plea, to all the clothing companies out there: please, for the love of god and all that is holy, install flattering lighting, do away with the 360 degree mirrors, and, most of all, build clothes that fit real women, not cotton ball-eating models! Oh, and could you start carrying Oat Fudge Bars? Because those things are fucking delicious.

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