Do you know what day it is? That’s right, it’s the day before Friday. Poor Thursday, always being compared to its hipper, cooler sister, Friday.
Well “No more!” I say.
Enter Ten Things Thursday.
Each week I will present you with a list of 10 things. Any things. Whatever kind of things I feel like talking about. Sometimes they will be funny. Other times they will be serious. Most often they will be so ridiculous that you’ll be wondering why you’re my friend. And if you’re family, well, sorry but you’re stuck with me.
To kick off Ten Things Thursday, I give you 10 things that scare the living shit out of me, in no particular order.
1. Not being able to touch the bottom of large bodies of water with my feet.
2. Seaweed grazing my feet and legs. In the water, there is little difference between sea plants and piranhas.
Speaking of 3. Piranhas. I hear they can devour a horse in like six seconds. Or was it 16? 60? Whatever. They are fish with teeth. Eww.
4. Sharks. Fish + teeth = no.
5. Going to the bottom of the ocean. Because a) the pressure will essentially turn you into a black hole (I slept a lot during physics class) and b) HAVE YOU SEEN AN ANGLER FISH? Also, c) obviously that’s where the aliens are hanging out.
6. Going into space. Because why not visit somewhere else with no oxygen?
7. Having children (shudder). One word: episiotomy. Okay, several words: you have to take care of them for, like, ever.
8. Having my children grow up to be teenagers (double shudder). Can someone say hormone shit storm?
9. Being in a new relationship. Please don’t break my heart!
10. Missing my morning train. And yet I tempt fate every day by leaving my house as late as 7:22 to catch the 7:24 train. That’s just dumb. But then, I guess I need to get my kicks somehow.
Happy Thursday, bitches!